Right now, the divorce is official, ink is dried on the papers and your house (and your life) is just a little bit quieter. No more lawyers, no more bickering over things that you just couldn’t live without and most importantly, no more spouse. Being left alone with your thoughts after a divorce can be dangerous. If you are feeling sorry for yourself, reminiscing about old times and wondering where everything just went wrong with your life, don’t. Here’s what you should do.
Stay in the Present
You can’t change what’s already happened, and if you are really honest with yourself, you know it was the right thing to do. You need to take in your surroundings, understand your new reality and start picking up the pieces. There is no sense to live in the past and answer a bunch of what if’s that will never come to pass. Stay in the present and eventually, you’ll be able to propel yourself forward.
Now comes the part where you cleanse. You have to realize that your ideals are no longer a part of your reality (e.g seeing your children every day, finding emotional stability in your spouse). Write a letter to yourself saying goodbye to your past, throw away the things that signify these ideals, whatever the case, do it. Saying goodbye is a form of acceptance and closure. The faster you accept the situation you’re in, the faster you can move on.
Do some self-reflection
After a major event in your life, you should take some time out to reflect on where you are in life and how this experience has changed you as a person. Don’t misunderstand this time of self-reflection as a time for beating yourself up for the things you can never change. It is a time to evaluate if these experiences have brought out the best or worst in you, and how you can use this information to move forward as a better person for yourself and your children.
Surround yourself with positivity
It’s understandable that for a while now - from the time your marriage started breaking down till after the divorce proceedings - your life has been surrounded with all sorts of negativity. This should change immediately. That phase of your life is over. It’s time to surround yourself with positivity. Whether it’s redefining yourself or finding a new hobby, it’s time to remind yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you must find it!
Build a support system
In surrounding yourself with positivity, you should also surround yourself with love. No man is an island so don’t try to be. You are dealing with major shift in your life and adjusting is not easy. Recognize the people who have stood by your side be it your family, friends or both! If you don’t feel like you have a strong enough support system, build one. Find a network of people who know what you’re going through (there are some great divorce support groups in Singapore). Rebuilding your life is less scary if you find someone who is going through it with you.
Keen to discuss more? Call PKWA Law at 6854 5336 / 6397 6100. We’re happy to help.
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